Tuesday, July 29, 2008

make a wish

if i were granted one wish, it would be to punch ira glass in the nose. i think i'd enjoy that. it'd probably be deja vu for him- one look at that face tells me he received his fair share of bullying in grade school (though, to be fair, he could look like brad pitt and still have gotten beaten up as a kid...that voice, dear sweet jesus, that unholy fucking aggravating voice, a stomach churning, ear assualting, unceasing nebbish prattle that instantly evokes a pale, "i have food allergies/am a vegan," thrift-shop frequenting, retro-atari-loving, magnetic-fields listening, poindexter-glasses-wearing, i-have-more-than-a-few-transgendered-friends-but-it-doesn't-even-occur-to-me-because-i-am-so-incredibly-evolved-and-tolerant, mac/linux-worshipping, sarah vowell-befriending, paragon of zeitgeistianness that he makes david sedaris look like chuck norris and sound like patrick stewart or peter ustinov in comparison).

scratch that. my one wish would be to snip his vocal cords.

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