Wednesday, March 5, 2008

A-Sides/B-Sides:

NorthCarolina/SouthCarolina

LeadingLady/Understudy

President/VicePresident

Mexico/NewMexico

NorthAmerica/SouthAmerica

Teacher/Substitute

Wife/Mistress

BlackAngus/Spam

Godiva/Hershey 's

Life/Death

Whimsical Instruments:

Polish Leg Harp

African Groin Kazoo

New Brunswick Ear Horn

New Zealand Sac Drum

Classical Clavihiee

Norwegian Ear Vibes

Rhodesian Bladder Clapper

Pedal Steel Lute

Fretted Piano

Atomic Calliope

Marshall Larynx Stacks

Dunwoody Knee Slapper (this one never made it out from the Arkansas hills)

Unwise Ad Campaigns:

A T& T: "One way or another, you 're all ours. It 's only a matter of time. " -or- " We don 't care

about your piddly problems; pay up. "

Marriot: " When in our stupid city, stay with us; we treat you with the utmost in pity, "

Ralph 's Eatery: "Come, sup here, and let ys_ loosen your bowels. "

Blue Cross/Blue Shield: "Feelin'bad? Come on over; don't forget your wallet!"

Coke: "Robot Juice for Robot People "

Victoria 's Secret: "Today the virgin. Tomorrow the whore. " -or- "Our thongs feel so good

riding up your butt-crack "

Burger King: "Stop by for dinner and eat a slaughtered soul. "

Best Western: "Brand new logo, same shitty quality. "

Super 8: "Look: No More Filthy Clumps!"

Today, in the supermarket, I mistook the title of some candy for 'poops ' instead of 'pops '. Big

difference.

Easter's cancelled; the body's been found.

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