Wednesday, March 5, 2008

results from Cosmo 's New Reader's Poll are in... 11,000 readers told us their most intimate secrets! . find out what men_really want in bed: sleep!

find out what he thinks about when you're gone: fixing lunch, maybe some tv, a nap or a jog... what to do when he doesn 't call: try calling him yourself.. (okay all you hot-to-trotters, I wanna see you movin ' on this staggering info)

pete was not what you 'd call romantic-'you kin spend yer whole life a courtin ', yet it don't take jest but a minute la stick it in'

overheard in the judges chamber-

'okay. Okay. OKAY. He's a convicted killer, but come on, cut him a little slack. I mean, look

this credit rating'.

old timer-

'...was a time when the concept of America was enough to give a fellow an erection, now it just

gels me all soft and tepid.'

hapless donjuan-

' Your aunt, well, she'swell and truly peppered me with an ill-advised series of sexual advances-'

The next time someone impatiently hurries you, reply not with the usual 'don 't hurry me'; instead, try this shiner on for size: 'hold the adjective wax, willya; I'm on my way.'

toothbrush-vice retirement-league/ intimidation-jactor swim-club/tennis-brunch blacktop-fistfight/ shoe-horn bastard-assistance

I have for you four-star spicy message: mypaycheck that ofeveryman, my leisure purchase those of voice of common people, my entertainment preference for good of stale

the careless impresario, tap-dancing on broken knuckles

the bent frames of those broken and dumb, bullied into impossible stunts

uncurl under a torrent of instruction

throw back a trembling leg, steady two spindly arms

a clown with apoplexy and a painted smile

reminds himself heaven is only a tumour away

as reticent taillights dissapear carrying last year's stolen hospital equipment

i 'm always looking for ways to improve my signal-to-noise ratio . •;•
suggestion for a religious hymn: 'I Got Jesus Up My Butt'

two gals at a Chicago Bar-81: how's this, you give me your man; I'll give you my kids, we'll call it an even trade. #2: (!?!)

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