Thursday, March 13, 2008

Harsher of Mellows, At Your Service

i'd like to hire myself out as a freelance harsher of mellows. if someone is annoying you b/c they're either too smug, too happy, too complacent, too annoying, feeling too superior about themselves, or you just dislike them, give me a call. you'd give me a description of my target- their likes, dislikes, political worldview, cultural predilections, criticizable personal quirks, areas of complacency, etc. that way, i could subtly or not so subtly ridicule, criticize, debate, interrogate them and point out their various blindsides, flawed assumptions, etc. there would be different packages available: the basic annoyance hit where i sit down beside them at a bar, coffee shop, bus stop, etc. and start a conversation that is pleasant/innocuous at first but which soon becomes increasingly critical of their lifestyle choices, the obnoxious devil's advocate debate that maybe ruins their party going experience by getting "heavy" and critical and puts them in the spotlight when they expected a light evening's banter, or, the most expensive one, the world view "shake 'em up", where i spend a few weeks or even months (hey, it's your coin...) getting to know them and gaining a basic/intermediate level of trust and influence, which is then subtly and eventually overtly exploited in order to make them feel as bad as possible for as long as possible about their essential beliefs and choices.

i'd have my own business card: "Ideological Hitman: If your price is right, their mellow is harshed"
or, just "Consider it harshed"

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