Thursday, March 6, 2008

I never promised you a prosegarden...

"The Terror of Tarragon: One Chef Lives to Tell"

"The Consumate Brawler: A New Travel Magazine for the Exceptionally

Truculent"

"I Wanna Sex U Up: Shakespeare It Ain't"

farting whilst pissing offers a wonderful opportunity to gauge the relative strengths of each odor; which one wins out? that of flatulence or that of urine? Both wafting out from within their respective nether regions and up into the quivering nostril hairs of our expectant noses. "In his own way, he is, perhaps, the most dangerous man who has ever lived"- ooh, here's a statement positively brimming with indecision! sidestepping qualtiy is how we make our fortune here at the Sands

I have a proposal for a new exhibit in the Cleveland Rock and Roll Hall of Fame: Relics of Demise

Just think, reverent rock fans can gaze upon the sandwich which did Mama Cass in, the vomit which choked poor old Jimmy Hendrix, the bullets extracted from John Lennon's torso, the twisted hulk of taxi wherein Eddie Cochran knew his final moments, the charred shell of Buddy Holly's plane, the syringe which hastened Sid Vicious' demise, a full-size replica of the swimming pool where Brian Jones drowned, ditto for Jim Morrison's bathtub, the flight recorder from Patsy Cline's plane, a brief rundown of the various medications, and Ben & Jerry's flavours Jerry Garcia was scarfing upon time of death, Nico's bicycle, Kurt Cobain's shotgun, Elvis' toilet, Klaus Nomi's semen sample, etc. etc... (an aside):which self-respecting hippie deli can institute a new item: the Mama Cass sandwhich; a triple layered pastrami-bologne-sardine-anchovie melt on toasted rye which is a real Bumsteadian throat-buster, really absolute hell trying to get down; clings and scrapes the roof of the mouth and loves to lodge in the windpipe

f

duets I'd like to hear:

Kathleen Battle & Florence Foster Jenkins

Brian Eno & G G Alin

Negativeland & John Tesh

Lydia Lunch & Anonymous 4

Raffi & 12 Ibs of plastic explosive

John Gorka & Sun Ra

Liza Minnelli & Lux Interior

Lou Reed & Placido Domingo

Lurch & Gustav Leonhardt

Yngwei Malmstein & Augustin Barrios Mangore

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