Thursday, March 6, 2008

food and failure are the themes of today's scribbling:

The most powerful men of Europe settled down to a disasterous affair of poorly cooked meat, soggy brussel sprouts, cagey white wine, mouthtop rending hard bread, and a singularly defeatist portion of runny blancmange. In the ensuing rush to the men's room, tempers began to flare, subsequently undermining three territorial pacts, seven economic treaties, and one NATO non-alignment pact. Poland was thus imperiled and France once again felt the hot sting of german wrath. Not the least in the 'thwack' of the german minister of defence's wet hanky resounding off the flushed cheek of Frances's minster of environmental conservation for allegedly barging into the wretchedly small lavatory during a large intestine induced fit of desperation. Thus, the devious separatist chefs of "Chez Andre" sabotaged yet another attempt at European unification.

ahh, starting the morning off right; a fistful of 'slim Jims' and a palmfulla 'now & laters'. washed down with week old 'diet sprite'.

tidy society:

shiela, director of marketing for smithers & barney

doctor kahn, cosmetic surgery

edna schwartz, artistic coordinator & talent rep. for grammophone's

emerging artist series

candy, hair stylist

josephina, leather dominatrix

billy braggart, rocker

rex aplenty, president hopeful

orson swindle, perot campaign advisor

barbie, Hollywood celebrity

claude ennui, poet

billy buckles, newpaper magnate

Irish, manicurist

joel, tanning, salon engineer

bill giftage, death & dismemberment division of accident claims

frank, customer service at the local wal-mart

charles raper, t.s. eliot expert

madame freeze, frame, psychic advisor

leonard malted, film critic

kurt cobain, teenage martyr

anastasia, editor of 'Details' what's hot-what's not list

torn, professional opinion expert

(i propose we reinstate the position of town-crier)

oh dear! the choirboys have all been disfigured with evil red spots! they gone went and done got themselves marked

big ass big ass big assed thing whatcha gone done make me wanna buy you a diamond ring big ass big ass big assed thing

X marks the spot where crusader clung to his herd

of the corpulent bully we say- 'he likes throwing his weight around'

world's favorite best songs:

'mean mr. mommeyman'- geza x

'land of the glass pincones'- human sexual response

'guys are disgusting'- anemic boyfriends

'honky tonkin' - maddox bros & rose

'kinko the kid loving clown'- ?

7 like noses fulla snot, dead things when they rot, and I like you too'- ?

'who's gonna mow my lawn when I'm gone?'- curly foster

'several species of small furry things huddled under a rock etc etc'-

pink floyd

'health fanatic'- John cooper clarke

7 don't see nipples in the 'daily express'- John cooper clarke

these are songs i need to obtain, and if you knew what they sounded like, you would too

porch ruminator- never met an orgasm i didn't like

porch ruminator- invented a machine to calculate the sum total of all

human love; mathmen yelpt, eggheads turned tail

oh, i am the bird of chest-heaving, throat-quaking something'* or other! oh, the ambidextrous ambiguity that pervades my solitude! oh harry, baptize me in your pools of possiilty! oh longshanks, tinker me fjords...

My dreams? Oh, nothing too fancy, maybe to meet a nice gal, then settle down into a tiny cottage someplace peaceful and serene, say the Reston-Herndon-Dulles Access Road Area. And maybe, come a few good onvestments or two, maybe get myself a little holiday home on the outskirts of the Katy Freeway-West Houston Energy Corridor, (thanks Tom Vanderbilt)


mysterious millionaire's last words- 'kumbaya indeed...'

so now we all worry; who gets the loot?

and who's this kumbaya person anyhow?

crypticism isn't appreciated on a rich man's death bed

poet, scholar, moonbeam to boot

a chorus of soggy bottomed inanity

a mad march mary ann- her woebegot righting of wrongs

bless its heart, for the dictionary is still full of surprises

take for instance two words- 'grubstreet' and 'quodlibet'

the former: adj. 1.'produced by a hack, poor in quality: a grubstreet

book' (1640-50) as a noun: a street in London, England: formerly

inhabited by many impoverished minor writers and literary hacks, now

called Milton Street. 2. petty and needy authors, or literary hacks,


the latter: n. 1. a subtle or elaborate argument or point of debate,

usually on a theological or scholastic subject. 2. music: a humorous

composition consisting of two or more independent and harmonically

complementary melodies, usually quotations of well-known tunes,

played or sung together, usually to different texts, in a polyphonic

arrangement (1350-1440, ME 'what pleases, as you please')

the narcoleptic dance marathon was an'unmitigated failure; all responsibe now sleep with the fishes

chaos in the chichin

settle back for a meal of spoonerisms, forkerisms, aphorism mints, digestivides, jingoisms, and a pre-dessert apertif of intimidation, humiliation, and insinuation

silly songs about lions in the kitchen f

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