A mindj**k of an ending is to be found on "The Flintstones" cartoon, in which, during the end credit sequence, Fred Flinstone is locked out of his house by the family cat. So there he is, banging away at the door in the moonlight while the end titles appear and the music gleefully approaches its conclusion. This stark contrast upset me- how can Fred, every epidsode, be stuck in the same situation, and with no apparent indication of ever being rescued? It's Hanna-Barbera's take on the Greek myth of Sisyphus. George Jetson suffered much the same fate week after week, and found in his situation on the treadmill (dual analogy here- Sissyphus & Everyman's rat race) a more overt reference to aforementioned myth. But for whatever reason, his plight didn't disturb me near as much as Fred's, maybe because the Caveman's cries carried about them a blustering, somewhat more aggressive frustration than that of Jetson, a thinner, more anemic & white-collart salaryman, a high-tech pencil pusher really.
An Effete Critic with a Jaundiced Eye Holds Court
T. Corrgahessean Boyle- a bad writer with an even worse haircut
Carrie Fisher- sticke to firing blasters and insulting wookies
Tama Janowitz- marry Henry Rollins and together you'll comprise the
'small talent-big bankbook' couple extradordinaire
the current glut of Warholian darlings all cashing in- no, you misheard
the man,; it was '15 minutes' dears, you used yours up many years ago
Henry Miller- must we always wade through your sewage to uncover
the odd diamond?
Tom Robbins- sometimes even readers get the blues
Frank Norris- the literary equivilant of a visit to the dentist
Jim Carrol- a clear example of drugs failing to fuel any creative process
M. Scott Peck- riding the tail end of our century's 'happy I mystic
Ann Rice- the Depeche Mode of the literary sect
Benjamin Hoff- silly man, Winny just wants to be left alone to his
Henry James- What Maisie Knew and Knew and Knew...The Turn of the
Screw Turning and Turning Forever Turning
Douglass Coupland- 'Newsweek's' sanctioned voice of youthful dissent
Martha Stewart- visibly tainted by the realization that Julia Child could
whup her ass
Will Self- It's a shame Mr. Self doesn't keep his feeble writing to him
Novemeber th' motherfuckin 12th
we splatted out that motherfuckin' honkey's brains right out on th' motherfuckin' pavement
we took her outside
and killed the black bitch
but first we fucked her
convicted killer- "I'm not sorry for all the mayhem I've caused, I only wish I'd been better dressed"
offing president Reagan = winning Ms. Foster's heart- gee, what a sterling and infallible process of logic you have going there Mr. Hinckley. Truly, the logicians of the bunch salute you!
falling down tumbling they are all the sacrosanct pillars of western
an acropolis pledged to violence and the technicolor thrill of exploding
hi. i'm a complete freakazoid. can i have a gun? thanks, oh, and some rhinosceraus killing cop vest bullets to go with it please, bye bye.
-ohmigod! an UZH! Dad, it's just what I've always wanted!
-well, your mother and I don't want you getting mixed up with those porch monkeys, drug addicts, and Hispanic types, so we thought a fully automatic firearm on your 14th birthday would send the appropriate message.
-Dad, yer th' greatest! Kin' I go outside and target shoot?
-Well, that'd be great. Hold on, there's an instruction manual
around here somewhere. And Suzi...mind the Johnson's t-
-No duh dad. I'mean, what do you think I am, like dumb or something?
-Heh, heh. Go on kiddo, shoot yourself up a storm.
okay, let's get our priorities in order here.
wounded on the top, dead ones on the bottom, got that?
and try not to jostle the head wounds.
ok? lock and load!