Thursday, March 6, 2008

ahh, the passage of time, that great artistic equalizer. Eric Clapton's new song "If I Could Change the World" (which he didn't write) is compositionally a dead wringer for Andy Partridge of XTC's pop songwriting. Once quirky new wavers, now members of pop's canon; quality emulated.

if it were truly a just world, Mark E. Smith would have long ago become 'People's Poet'- hey mark, yer messin' up the paintwork!

Dear Diary

april 14, 1973: I don't know how to tell you this. I mean, it's so hard what with the way all this stuffs turnt out. Geez, if the guys on the team knew about me writing to you like this and all, they'd kick my ass. Ouch, my headgear is killing me.

Turns out Shuana is going to the logrolling after all. Can you believe it! And that's not the hard part. I mean, I went and said I was training to be a junior lumberjack after squad practice, but I've never rolled logs in my life. I bet Davey from Bay City Rollers never had to be in a really stinky jam like this! I've got about three more days and a half til the meet. Whatta I'm going to do? Shuana even said she liked my new headgear and strawberry jeans last week in lunchroom. She's so foxy. If she and her Slovak cousin see me fall- oh, he's supposed to do a lot of log rolling over there- the pits!

april 15, 1973: Shuana's been abducted, whew!

april 16, 1973: She's back! I saw her in the lunchroom today! Turns out she skipped school with her cousin and they went and chopped trees together. I'm gonna look so dumb!

april 17, 1973: It's early. My braces are too tight and I think I had a wet dream. Help me god or someone, maybe I can set the forest on fire.

april 18, 1973: I luckt out! Far out! I had to pass the sauerkraut eating contest in order to get picked to logroll. I'm so sick and pukey from all that stinky stuff. Mom says I got a stomach virus. Dad laughs and calls it trots. So now Shauna's cooking me soup and going to come over later with that and ginger ale! I didn't havta logroll, I puked and fell over. So did another guy. But Shauna didn't know him, so it's me she's taking care of!

things I live for:

masturbating lions to tame them, crass cocktail tactics, sputem on the mouths of babes, noses when they^tk hurt, snow days, slinking into middle age, rabbis on the make, a 53 year old who reminds you of your prep-school soulmate, bearded convenience store ladies, hexcapades, bigbudget fiascos, the possibility of weekend upgrades, marriot points, attorney garnishings, chamber benefits translated into free sauna time, 1995 alamo rates, flabby masks, 9 car weekends, slunken pumpkins, fruits crept into decriptitude, pay per spew, coat hanger remotes, institutionalized breakfasts, der blaue reiters, west of life's great divide, the women of astrodome, nerf & serf, Indian givers of the insurance world- the ones who giveth only to taketh taketh away, renegade marriage vows, nigger rigged sports arenas, ketchupy hoe-downs, untidy divorcees, fixed kitties, recap numeroes, car crash sympathy cards, futurism in prime time commercials, uncle pete's gaum stick collection, polly's golden showers, never really knowing elizabeth, the gombeenman, pettifogging at the marketplace, permanent part-timers, oubliettes in every home, ornette's old boot, white-ass honkey's gettin' dogged on the court, enid's dad leaving town, car bombshells, cubism gone awry, blanched guests, come hither glances from a piece of toast, dropped & trampled hankies, dismissive professorial types, late night lectures in a secretive place, right armed note taking, debutaunt's • junipers, 'the crankshaft mechanic coming-out ball', convicted felon gala . luncheons, old world ways of saying 'no', bygone methods of punishment, future means of encouragment, eliot fisk on the chopping block, suing my college for delivering a shoddy education, quivers and controversies, posthumous employment references, the advice of a social fugitive, fashion tips from the recently deceased, prozac induced marriage, gifted and talented programs, blacktop brawls, german dodge, churchyard muggings, st. stu- the patron saint of whimsy, no fly zones, a bar band named 'no left turn' wl songs like dangerzone' & 'love stuff, the talk show Olympics, biceps on a bathroom wall, bootleg VU tapes, ' the inevitable greening of " X", slight stallone, those coat sleeve clinging types one meets at parties, crack sweat and the way it smells on the tip of the finger, you- yer mama- yer greasy granny wif a hole in her panties goin' beep! beep! beep! down sesame street, right o artemis!, heated arguments about whether it was pete murphy or those other three who wrote the songs, the 'soup-what-couldn't-make-up-its-mind', tazmanian fjords, mrs. parkers usage of the word 'tripe', cornhuskers & the overprivileged children, barnyard politicos, favoritism at the ice­rink, blaming germany, manufactured enthusiasm, a spouse who comes of age, tough-tittied scholars, observing bravado when it fails, learning from the sitcoms that elusive lesson called 'life',, genuflecting to the IRS,

skipping church to beat off, southern belles at half-mast, male hair-evasion techniques, the concept -yet never the reality-of nightly darkness, james Joyce from a victrola, mussolini's unbudgable paradigm, cubscout circumcision rights, irish muscle in a tussle, oracle sex in a hammock, sound of a popped pimple as it breaks through that swollen layer of stretched skin, chichester upon rye, hustings downs, zerps on twerps, young kids with butane, a piece of bubblegum hardened upon an electrical object still there 12 years later, wastes of papal time, marrying for art's sake, english garages, paupers as patrons, martyrs as matrons, award winning music makers, grudges for all eternity, lincoln's log, dinky toys from 1944, roadmaps from yesteryear, astral flatulence, hands going 'klickety klack' as frititzy paddles across the floor, eyeing babybirds yet spinning a fanciful tune, ''s incredible!...and I'm a whole block away!'- this sort of thing with one's first set of walkytalkies, sweated prawns above the girls' shower, carwashlammunition joints, taxation upon the dead, durable digits, 29 minute CDs, woodland nymphs in the family way, velveteen tureen, Mr. & Mrs. Godzilla, Victorian obstacle courses, Hawaiian shit, tumbling eloquents- we're magnets!, ha's ha's, whispy topknots on tumbling kewpies, stealthy emergences from behind soup tureens, sanctified carbunkles, spotty mixups, color me barabbas, grandeloquent desk plaques, easing tension the martian way, purr when rocked-squeal when handled roughly, coy copy from designer doorags, preadolescent unease, jokes about choate 7's god, caustic quips and well recieved blows to the head, lowbrow- highbrow- whiplash desserts, spinsters who rock, ale so wicked you'd swear you were in hell, new bike smell, remembered erections, fungus in D.C., 2 3 i 4 IS! 17, rumours of religion, D.D. Bean, Castillian wannabe's, endless fury, regular veti, essays on music- your music, paddling across her yesterdays, dicey church tactics, lovers' haunts, aquatic forget-me-knots, parsimonious sweepstakes, celebrity celebates

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